Sigh.

I thought i was a real hardcore fan, but till then i just realized i actually wasnt.

I used to fangirl at twitter on 2013. and when i think about it again, i feel like i wasnt actually fangirling, im just, thirsting for followers. i just wanted attention.

I was kinda immatured. like 45% of myself. i feel like i never really cared about them. honestly i never really enjoyed the passionate of their performances that much. all i do was just watch it and fangirl by tweeting tweets with capitals. and tbh, i was fangirling over them more to their looks instead of their performance and talent. psh i suck.

I didnt took effort to notice their own actual talent. my mindset was, EXO is just famous because of their looks and theyre under SM company. literally lol-ing at my own self for not thinking twice.

During 2014 i didnt had time to spazz ((probably because i finally cared about school and studies)) so i thought i would just go on hiatus for a while, but eventually i decided to stop being active at twitter. so when the year end holiday started, i wanted to be their hardcore fan again but not at twitter. when i watched their 2014 vids and awards and stuffs that i missed. i finally realized that theyre actually really ((like really reALLY)) talented.

I was the one that didnt noticed it. probably because i was too busy trying to gain followers at twitter. yes, i admit that i do follow their schedule, i know every single thing they did, but thats just it. i thought that was the only thing needed to be a real fan. but lol no, that doesnt. thats what a senpai / twetfamous (a kpop acc with thousands of followers) do. being active 24/7, thats how they gain followers.

When EXO went to some variety show and such, they usually asked them to show off their skills in dancing or singing or rapping. i realized that they were actually good. by 'they' i mean, every single one of them. not just D.O and Baek's powerful vocals, not just Chanyeol's raps, not just Kai's dancing skills. well, i may be a sehun stan, but i actually thought he was nothing to EXO. //immidiately slaps myself// i just liked him bcs of his looks, surprised huh? yeap, its true. i'm being super honest right now.

When Sehun had a solo dancing stage in their TLP concert, i hated myself. for being too stupid. he was awesome as heck. 'awesome' i mean his dancing skills, not looks. i remember sehun felt sad that some stupid fans said hes not talented, he was so sad that he practiced until 3am. i did cared, but i actually felt the same like those stupid fans.

Suho practiced for 8 fuckin years (from 2004-2012) to debut ((that he said he felt like their practice room is like his 2nd house)) and to me, he was just a basic rich ass leader. Chanyeol composed some awesome shit background music (he posted in ig) and i thought he just knew how to play guitar and rap/beatbox. EXO actually practices for years to make 3 comebacks (MAMA, Wolf, Growl), and i thought it was nothing much.

Well, i guess i was just a bullshit-'hardcore' fan that didnt knew them completely.

When Kris and Luhan left, it made me regret more. i never noticed them too. Luhan? just his looks. Kris? probably nothing. after leaving, when he made his cover, 'There Is A Place', i just knew he could actually sing. yup, hate me all you want because i freakin deserve it.

I thought Kris really hated SM that he didnt cared about leaving EXO, but when he actually cried after watching him with EXO-M shouting "We Are One" during MAMA era in a chinese show, and when EXO cried because they mentioned about Kris in Happy Camp, i almost cried too. haha idiot me. i also thought 'EXO will over', 'they wont care about their career anymore since 2 members left' 'theyre going to disband soon', but when Kai said that he wanted EXO to continue their journey no matter what, i felt like punching myself.

Re-watched EXO's Showtime and i teared up a lil bit. I regret more and more, for not appreciating them for all this time.

But seriously guys, please dont hate Kris and Luhan, it was their own choice. maybe they were fated to be what they want. i noticed they became happier and healthier after leaving SM prison. lets just bare with it. lets just support them okay? fake fans will leave, true fans will stay :'). Please vote them for >> Mnet Asian Music Awards 2014 << ^-^

//sorry if this post is too long, i had too much feels//